


Home in an Unexpected Place

by Chaotic_phan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan but different meeting, A LOT of Angst, Dan’s a disaster in this one(like he is all the time), Fluff and Humor, M/M, Slow burn (or atleast how slow I can make it before I get impatient myself), Strangers to Lovers, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24805495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaotic_phan/pseuds/Chaotic_phan
Summary: Dan’s never had a place he could call home which is why he flees. Now with nothing and no one in his life, he’s thrown out on the streets. However, he ends up seeking refuge at the wrong place and gets taken in by a certain stranger. One night is all it takes to turn Dan’s world upside down.Maybe home isn’t a place; it’s a person.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Strange Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s another phanfic. I’ll be trying to keep a posting schedule but I’m pretty unreliable when it comes to them...  
>  Hopefully you guys like this!

Looking back would mean doubting his decision. Dan’s frightened that at the last moment, he'll look back and chicken out. However, he is adamant about his decision. Staying at his house is definitely the worst option. He takes a deep breath. Stepping out on the streets, the cold air slaps Dan as hard as the realisation of what he has just done. 

He ran away from home. 

Not that he ever considered that house a home. A home is a place where he feels loved and safe. That house had been the opposite of that. He is dubious whether such a place even exists. 

Dan comes to an abrupt stop in the middle of the pavement, causing those behind to bump into him. The place is bustling with people, who are minding their own business, unaware of a lone boy wandering the streets. At that moment, he understands the difference between being lonely and alone. Dan has left his whole life behind. There’s no going back now, so he pulls himself together and continues walking. 

He had made an impromptu decision, so he was only able to bring a limited amount of items with him. He lugs a suitcase with him, probably creating a nuisance for the people around him. He stuffed it with all the possessions he considers important. Additionally, he has a bag hung over his shoulders, which feels a lot like carrying rocks. Fortunately for Dan, he hasn’t forgotten his phone: his salvation. However, even his phone isn't of any use if he doesn't have sufficient funds; which he doesn’t. Alright, perhaps this plan has too many flaws. He has barely enough money to be able to catch the train to Manchester, where his University is located. At this point, Dan is simply waiting for his life to unravel itself. 

It starts pouring during his trek to the train station. He’s on the verge of giving up and the weather is making it harder for him to persevere. His feet hurt and upon reaching the station, where he finds out that he has missed his train by a few seconds. It feels like life is playing a cruel joke on him. Yet, he knows for a fact that things are only going to get worse. He remains standing and shivering, dripping rainwater. His coat isn’t doing a great job of keeping his clothes from getting wet either. 

The next train finally arrives. He receives some judgemental stares when he steps on, probably because he looks like a homeless person. Jokes on them: he is homeless. He lets out a humourless laugh to mask his distress. 

Dan finds a reasonably empty carriage which he resolves to stay in. He grabs his phone to use as a means of distraction but, in a continuation of his lucky streak, the battery is almost dead. This means that there is nothing to distract him from the storm cloud of doubt shadowing his mind. Without anything to pass the time, he sits on the train for another two hours having an existential crisis: you know, the usual. For the rest of the journey, he dozes off only waking up when his station is announced. In a flurry of movement, he gathers his suitcase and drags them off the train with the gracefulness of a hippo. The uncomfortable train ride has left him feeling dead. He finally reaches his destination. Well… almost. He’s in the general vicinity. 

The downpour has dwindled to a drizzle. He surveys his surroundings, watching commuters rush around. Despite reaching Manchester, he doesn't have a place to stay, which brings him to the hard job of finding one. He should have considered that before running away. He isn't carrying enough money with him to book a hotel room. Therefore, his only option is to stay at someone's house. The only person Dan knows who lives in this city is Louise, but he doesn't recall the exact location of her house. He has to call her to inform her that he is coming, but his phone is now dead, so he also can't ask her for directions to her house. His life is a mess. He’s a mess.

He hails a cab with the remaining money and gives the driver vague directions to the place he assumes Louise stays. Dan’s fingers nervously drum on the seat while his leg bounces up and down. After sitting through an anxiety-filled ride, he finally reaches his destination. The cab drives away immediately, leaving him alone on the empty street, rain still patting at his still drenched clothes. The houses loom over him like intimidating titans. The crisp air makes him shiver violently. He doesn’t have a single clue which house she lives in, but he can’t turn back now, so he racks his brain to remember. Of course, nothing emerges out of the blue in his memory. 

As everything in his life comes apart, Dan decides to give up. He slumps up against a door. The suitcases drop down around him, barely managing not to crush him. He slouches as he sits down, hugging his knees with tears rolling down his face. The stream of tears doesn't stop. Muffled cries wrack his chest. The sound of his sobbing disrupts the ghastly silence. Suddenly the door opens, causing Dan to lose balance as his entire body had been supported by it. When Dan sees the baffled face of an extraordinarily handsome man, he breaks down into more tears, feeling humiliated that someone encountered him when he was in this state. 

The man continues gaping at him before his face morphs into an expression of pity. The stranger crouches down to his level and tries talking to him, but Dan can’t comprehend anything the guy is saying. Eventually, the guy gives up trying to get him to talk. The wise decision would have been to leave Dan alone, but apparently, the stranger has other plans. After some awkward movements, Dan is effortlessly lifted up bridal style and carried by the man into his home. He attempts to break free of the stranger’s grip, fearing abuse… or death. However, the stranger just gently sets him on the sofa and drapes a blanket over him. The situation doesn't make sense, but he also doesn't have any energy left to comprehend it. And anyway, this guy's probably more confused than him. 

The guy tries speaking again, “Would you like some comfortable clothes to change into? Maybe a shower?” 

That’s definitely not what he expects to hear. He assumed there would be an interrogation. It's only a matter of seconds before the stranger comes to their senses and kicks him out. 

He feels like he will be taking advantage of their kindness by accepting the offer… but his jeans are really constrictive and wet, and despite his jumper being wet, he’s overheating now that he’s indoors. He can’t remember what he packed into his own suitcase. Oh, no...

“I left my suitcases outside!” he exclaims. 

“Hey, don’t worry I brought them in,” the guy reassures him, “Why don’t you wear my clothes, for now, that way you don’t have to unpack your stuff right away.”

“I guess I could borrow some clothes. If you don’t mind,” he responds. The guy regards Dan with another questioning look, before walking out of the room. 

The guy disappears down the hall. After some grunts of annoyance, and muttering something along the lines of, ‘these are too embarrassing, I can’t let him wear that,’ he brings out a top with an image of a corgi on it and game of thrones bottoms before disappearing down the hall again. So apparently this guy's just as nerdy as him. Instead of commenting on it, Dan just chuckles to himself.

He returns with a towel and some clothes and holds them out for Dan. He opens his mouth to speak but then immediately closes it again. Dan catches onto the guy's awkwardness in the situation, and well he can't really blame him. 

“Thanks, mate,” Dan says gratefully. 

“No problem.” 

“Uh, where’s the bathroom?” Dan asks. The guy directs him to a door at the end of the hall. 

The house is an adequate size, but he wouldn't want to own it. Walking down the passage sends chills down his spine. The former owner was definitely murdered and is definitely haunting this house…. Though, except for the haunted vibes, it seems to be a nice house. There’s something strangely unique about the place: random odd socks lying around and house plants on every available surface… This guy is obsessed with plants. Especially succulents. 

He steps into the bathroom and quickly changes out of his wet clothes, deciding to forego the shower. Instantly, he feels tons better. The guy’s shirt hangs off him a little since he’s a bit shorter and he also has to pull up the joggers, so they don’t drag on the ground. It’s weird to find someone taller than him as he is a six-foot giant. 

His clothes are soaked, and he doesn’t know what to do with them. He decides to hang them over the bathroom radiator to dry. He walks back into the living room, noticing the trail of water he left behind him. Seems like he leaves a mess everywhere he goes. Literally in this case. He turns his attention away and looks around for the guy, but he seems to have disappeared. Too awkward to do anything, he stands in the spot shuffling his feet until he hears footsteps approaching the hall. The stranger stands before him somehow managing to hold a huge duvet and a pillow. Then, they dump them onto the sofa, letting out a huff. 

“I’ll set up a bed for you here, hope you don’t mind,” The guy says to Dan while continuing to make up the sofa. 

“You don’t have to do this, I could just find somewhere else to stay,” Dan insists. It’s a lie, but they don't have to know that. More importantly, he doesn't want to bother this stranger any more than he already has. 

“I know I don’t have to do this, but I’m going to anyway,” the guy replies curtly, leaving no room for argument. Dan closes his mouth when the guy turns back to him, looking pleased himself. 

“There, it’s all done, you can sleep here now.” He points to the perfectly made sofa-bed behind him. 

Dan feels a bit choked up, not being used to this extent of kindness. He can’t utter any words as they’ll probably come out shaky and he doesn’t want to cry again, but he manages a smile that shows his appreciation. The guy smiles back brightly. 

“Well, I’m heading off to bed, sleep well.”

Just as the guy turns off the light, Dan gets under the soft blanket and wraps himself in a burrito to get rid of any remaining coldness lingering. He adjusts the pillow under his head until he’s comfortable. One thought prods his mind. It feels too important to simply ignore, so he decides to say it aloud before his courage evaporates. 

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Dan whispers. In the quiet of the room, his voice sounds amplified. It feels too vulnerable and he instantly wants to take it back. Dan begins to think the guy hasn't heard him as he doesn't respond, but upon speaking those words, Dan noticed that the guy halted.

Finally, the guy answers, “because you look like you need it.” Then, he walks away without offering any explanation behind their words. 

Dan mulls it over in his brain as he’s very well known for overthinking. The obvious interpretation is most likely the guy remarking on his appearance and saying he looks homeless, which… fair enough, but somehow those words seemed to hold a deeper meaning. He lets his thoughts slip away, not having the energy to analyse and over analyse. 

The duvet delivers an aroma of sweetness, cinnamon and vanilla. He wants to bury himself in this blanket so he can hide away from the world. The room offers a sense of security. Despite the thoughts swirling around in his brain, sleep swallows him whole. For once, insomnia does not pester him; exhaustion getting the better of Dan.


	2. Break from Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes life just gets too much and it’s nice to get a break from it. He usually finds solace in listening to music but now he has these weird videos created by this equally weird stranger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys, I’m back with the next chapter. Thanks to my amazing beta ThoughtaThought who was once again a huge help. 
> 
> _‘He loses himself in this little heaven he’s found'_
> 
> Some trigger warnings: mentions of abuse (It’s mentioned right at the beginning) but not in explicit detail. Otherwise, it’s mainly just fluff and gay yearning in this chapter.

In front of him, his parents are furiously arguing. Suddenly, it erupts into a physical fight. Almost in slow motion, Dan watches his father raise a hand at his mum. His hand lands on her cheek with a loud smacking sound, leaving behind a brilliant red mark that is already turning into a nasty bruise. 

He wants to run away and hide under the table the way he used to as a child, but he's frozen to the spot. Forced to witness this again. 

After an excruciating amount of time, he begins to wake up. Before the dream fades away, he hears his mum shouting at him to run away - the last thing he heard from her in real life. He jerks awake; left with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. His throat is hoarse. Cold sweat sticks to his body. The nightmare lingers in his memory... it feels too vivid for a dream. 

As Dan sits up, he tries to figure out where exactly he is. The memories of the nightmare fog his mind. After looking around, the events of the day come rushing back to him. Somehow that manages to make him feel more shit. 

In his hyperaware state, he distinctly hears a crash in one of the rooms, but he doesn't want to move. Instead, he hugs his knees and curls up, willing the world to leave him alone. 

The sleep-roughened stranger stumbles into the living room, roused from his sleep presumably due to Dan's screams. In the darkness, he makes his way towards Dan. Without hesitation, he sits next to him and pulls Dan against his chest. The stranger's sturdy arms envelop him in an embrace. He doesn’t realise he is trembling until his grip tightens around Dan to keep him steady. Dan leans into the touch, yearning for the comfort it provides. Affection was one of the many things that were lacking in his childhood. Surprisingly, a stranger is offering him more compassion than his parents ever did. 

He wants to stay like this forever. However, after a while, the guy pulls away and guilt fills Dan's gut. He realises that he just came barging into someone else's life with his problems and forced them to pick up his broken pieces. He needs to get out before he becomes a more substantial burden.

“I should probably leave,” Dan declares. 

“What, no!” the stranger exclaims, eyes wide, “You can’t leave like this and I already said you aren’t bothering me.” 

Dan simply raises an eyebrow, absolutely refusing to believe that this man would want to willingly give up his sleep to comfort a messed up person like him.

“Hey, please stay. I'll just go brew some coffee,” he says in a soothing tone, "and I already said you're not bothering me."

Dan’s taken back by his compassion once again, his head still struggling with the idea that he's being nice to him. He opens his mouth to reply, only to notice that the guy has already left the room. 

Feeling awkward, he lies back on the sofa. He’s unsure of whether he should help out or not but decides against it figuring he’d be useless. Instead, he surveys the room which is now bathed in warm light, allowing him to look around more clearly. The room looks like a child’s colouring book: it’s littered with various knick-knacks similar to the ones he has already seen around the house. There's no resemblance to his house, which was basically the definition of bleak as his parents were never bothered with any interior designing. Even after escaping, the place still plagues him. He ends up staring at his lap and scrunching his eyes to stop the tears from spilling again. 

Eventually, the guy comes back holding two mugs, trying not to fall over as he makes his way to the sofa. Dan reaches out for the coffee to help him out. With Dan's help, he sits down without spilling anything. They settle down, squished together, without even a hint of personal space. Dan doesn't mind. Who needs personal space when you’re in the presence of a beautiful human being who has already freely offered cuddles? 

If the stranger notices Dan’s eyes brimming with tears, he doesn’t comment on it. He also doesn’t look put off by Dan’s occasional sniffles and tear-streaked face. Dan still looks away in embarrassment, dragging a sleeve across his face in an attempt to clear away the mess. He feels oddly calm as they sit in comfortable silence. 

The silence is broken when the guy says, “I made your coffee the way I take it. Hope you don’t mind.” He looks to Dan, who smiles in response to his question before he's immediately bringing the burning hot drink to their mouth. Dan has a heart attack. 

“You’ll burn your tongue!" He exclaims. 

The guy tilts his head in the cutest way possible and says, “It’s not even that hot.”

Dan's face turns to bewilderment. His fingers are burning from just holding onto the mug, so he can't believe the guy's claim. Dan turns back, with a slight shake of his head, and continues blowing air on his coffee to make it cooler. His hands are still shaking as he slowly takes a sip once it’s not too hot. Dan usually pretends to be edgy and orders his coffee 'as black as his soul' which admittedly is a lie. Secretly he has a bit of a sweet-tooth. 

“It's quite sweet.”

“Oh, do you not like it? Sorry, I’ll make you another one, um -” 

The stranger goes to stand, but Dan reaches out to settle him, letting out a small laugh, “No, no, it’s perfect. Exactly how I like it.” 

“Oh, that’s good,” he says, letting out a sigh. A small smile appears on his face.  
Dan finishes his drink and waits for the stranger to finish too. He ends up with a foam moustache over his upper lip, which makes him look impossibly cuter. He notices Dan staring at it and, when Dan gestures at his own upper lip, erases it quickly. For a minute, they stare at each other without saying anything. Then, both of them look away at the same time. Dan’s grateful that the room’s still a bit dim, otherwise, his blush would have been very apparent. 

He looks back at the stranger’s face when he speaks, “Uh, we never really introduced ourselves so, yeah, my name’s Phil.” Phil offers his hand and Dan takes it.

“I’m Dan,” he says, shaking hands with the person in front of him. They realise how awkward that is, and burst out into laughter, lying there clutching their sides. 

Once Dan regains his composure, he asks, “So, what do you do, Phil?” Mainly to test how his name sounds as he says it. 

It rolls off his tongue in the most natural way which, looking at the situation, is quite the opposite of whatever this is. He mentions the peculiarity of the circumstance a lot because he still hasn't gotten used to it. He takes a quick moment to really examine Phil’s face. Looking at it, Dan realises that his sleep deprived mind did not do enough justice to this beauty. Phil’s got a fringe similar to his own. However Phil’s hair is the furthest away from a dull brown colour; he has got jet black which brings out his eyes. So much for not being cringy. He never really understood the fascination with eyes until now. Phil’s eyes hold a thousand hues but the blue is the most prominent. 

Overall, Phil looks beautiful true to the gay panic stirring in his mind. 

“I make videos,” Phil says, in answer to the question that Dan has managed to lose in his thoughts. 

The answer catches Dan off guard. This guy doesn’t seem the type… although, to be honest, he doesn't really know anything about this guy.

“Oh God, that sounds completely wrong,” Phil remarks, “It’s basically, um, okay you know what I’ll show you, so you don’t think I’m some creepy pervert.” He stands and heads back toward his room. 

“Sure, I’d love to see these videos,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Oh my god, stop,” Phil squeaks from the hallway. 

After some shuffling and crashing - a frequent occurrence today - Phil retrieves his laptop. He opens it up and clicks around a bit. Then Phil’s face appears on the screen. 

“So, this is the video I posted last week,” Phil mutters. 

A video named ‘Paranormal Activity’ starts playing. Dan watches it with amusement, finding the Phil behind the screen really interesting, and once again, cute. It’s a short video, but it already has him laughing.

“So nothing dodgy but are you saying that I’m staying in a house with ghosts?” 

“Well, of course. I only brought you inside so the ghosts can possess you instead of me,” Phil states, “but plot twist, I’m a ghost.”

"Ah. I should have known this was a trap,” he says, forcing a smile off his face, though he can't seem to remove the fondness from his voice. Phil turns slowly to face him, the corners of his mouth lifting.

“Prepare to become possessed!”

Suddenly, he’s being knocked onto his back as Phil jumps on top of him. 

Being suddenly pinned under this insanely attractive man is making him extremely flustered, and causing him to go completely blank.

Dan's a blushing mess before they break into fits of laughter and separate enough to sit next to each other. Another of Phil's videos starts to play automatically and Dan finds himself laughing. This one's called ‘Lonely Day’. It’s really random, but he can see the effort that's been put into making it. He's still laughing, although nothing particularly funny has happened while Phil’s staring at him rather than the screen.

He momentarily forgets his problems and allows himself to laugh freely. The nightmare’s pushed to the back of his mind by the kooky videos. He loses himself in this little heaven he’s found. It feels like a figment of his imagination. There’s no other explanation for something so perfect. It’s almost as if he created some fictional comfort for himself to escape his real-life nightmares. 

He's reminded of all the fiction books in his suitcase; the biggest reason it's so heavy. Dan has always been addicted to stories. He remembers someone once asking him why he read so much to which he responded, 'it allows me to escape from reality.' Little did they know that he isn't just some kid seeking adventures, he reads to find someone out there that's facing similar problems to him; even if that someone is fictional. It provides him with an escape from his difficulties and makes him believe that he isn't alone. 

Dan almost feels like a character from a fictional book. Although, he doubts even his imagination would create something so realistic. Sitting here, he tries to let himself soak up the bit of serotonin released by being around this amazing human before he has to let go of this as well. Everywhere he goes, he leaves a trail of destruction. He should leave before he dampens this sunshine. He doesn't deserve this hospitality, but he’s being selfish: he wants this for himself. 

The laughter dies, and the smile on Dan's face vanishes. Phil puts his arms around him - noticing that Dan’s back to being upset - again holding him closer. He also can’t help to wonder what his father would have said if he saw him cuddling with a boy. Not that it’s much of a mystery. He ignores the thoughts of his father, instead, focusing on Phil. 

Dan fits perfectly against Phil’s side and clings onto his shirt like a koala in a fluffy, oversized jumper with unkempt, unruly hair. Warm breath tickles the back of his neck as Phil leans his forehead on Dan. He would normally feel insecure in such a situation, but he’s drunk off Phil’s kindness and he easily lets go of his uncertainty. 

In the silence between videos, Phil’s intense gaze turns to Dan's face. He turns his face away, which has probably turned into a tomato. Instead, he diverts his attention to his phone - a sure way to appear preoccupied according to Dan. The time flashes on his phone: 3 am. To his surprise, he realises that he has spent more than three hours at Phil's house. As if upon discovering how late it is, sleep begins pulling on his mind again. He wants to resist sleep a while longer because he’s paranoid about what other nightmares his mind can conjure. That doesn’t mean Phil also wants to stay awake. 

“Hey, Phil you can go to sleep if you want.” 

“Nah, I’ve had too much coffee to be able to sleep,” he responds. 

“But I don’t want to keep you up.” 

“Dan, don't worry, my sleep schedule is entirely non-existent.” 

Dan breaks out into a small grin “yeah, I’m the same.” 

Although there is so much to say, burning questions most likely sitting at the tip of Phil’s tongue, they remain in silence for a while. For some reason, Phil seems to be holding back his curiosity. Instead, he keeps the conversation light, “What else do you like then, maybe we have more things in common?” Phil inquires. 

“I love Muse, they’re literally amazing.”

“Wait, no way I like Muse too!” Phil exclaims. 

“Of course, who doesn’t love Muse?”

“My favourite album is definitely Origin of Symmetry, but I’m stuck between deciding whether I prefer New Born or Bliss.”

“That’s impossible, though my favourite one is probably Bliss, due to the way it is sung you wouldn’t expect it to be positive, yet it is. When I listen to it I almost feel blissful just like the name of the song.” Dan starts rambling. There are a few things he’s truly passionate about and music is up there. Dan could go on about Muse for ages, but he comes to a realisation, a deep pink blush rising from his neck and a sheepish smile on his face, "I'm probably boring you and I sound like an idiot, don't I?" 

Phil laughs though the laughter isn’t aimed at him, "No! No, I like that you’re so passionate about it and I actually understand the meaning of the song better. In fact, I want to listen to the album again.” 

Listening to Muse is precisely what Dan needs to calm his nerves. He remembers all those lonely nights with music as his only escape. It feels much better to have someone else to listen with.

Since they are already cuddling, Dan takes it as an invitation to rest his head on Phil’s shoulder. The music fills the air washing away any other noise. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Phil tapping his fingers in beat with the music. Eventually, he loses the sense of everything except for the song. The intro to Bliss lulls him to sleep. After a while, he vaguely acknowledges the music coming to a stop. He expects Phil to go to his own room. Instead, the dip in the sofa next to him remains. As he properly drifts off, he feels fingers stroking his hair. A hand wraps up around his waist, pulling him closer.

It feels so natural with Phil’s arms around him. Dan doesn’t feel like a stranger. Dan feels his walls being taken apart, brick by brick. Although, this makes him scared he lets it happen. There’s something about Phil - this person he has just met - that makes him feel safe.


	3. A Burden to Bear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The impending existential crisis has finally hit him. Now he can't stop overthinking about his past and clog his mind with depressing thoughts. 
> 
> _'Everyone in his life has made it evident that he is a burden. Why would Phil feel any differently?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the bits of fluff while it lasted because this is going to be another angsty chapter. 
> 
> Not really a trigger warning but there are a lot of depressive thoughts...
> 
> Thanks to ThoughtaThought who helped me with this chapter as well.
> 
> [](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoughtaThought/pseuds/ThoughtaThought)

Being a light sleeper, he is roused from his sleep by his blaring ringtone. His mind doesn’t grasp his surroundings straightaway. Still disoriented, he pats the space next to him until he feels something soft and shaped rather like an arm. But it isn’t his. A bit more awake, he turns to look, a little wide-eyed. He instantly relaxes when his eyes fall on Phil’s sleeping face. Oh, Phil. Did they really fall asleep on the sofa together? No wonder his neck hurts. He carefully pries himself out of Phil’s grip to reach his phone. Phil stirs a little but remains asleep. 

Tyler’s face flashes on his screen. At first, he just stares at the screen cluelessly. Then he remembers he promised that he would come over to Tyler's house on the 27th… which just happens to be today. He really wishes he could ignore the call, but he knows exactly how persistent his friend can be. So he quietly makes his way to the kitchen where he’ll be able to talk without disturbing Phil and, grudgingly, he accepts the call. 

“Hey man!" Tyler chirps, "You still coming over today?” Dan distances the phone from his ear for a second. Tyler’s overly bright voice hurt to hear this early. 

“Uh, no actually, I can’t,” Dan answers, sounding a bit, well… dead in comparison to Tyler. 

“Aw, not fair! Why can’t you make it?”

“Um… well, it's complicated.” 

“Can you try to explain?” Tyler urges him on. 

“I’m kinda not at home,” Dan says, trying to get straight to the point. He feels regretful for hiding this from his only friend and he doesn’t have the energy to weave a web of lies. 

“Okay… then where are you?” Tyler asks. 

“At Phil’s house.” 

“Who's Phil? Wait, Phil who? Have you made a new friend without telling me?” Tyler replies jokingly, then gasps, "Wait is Phil a new boyfriend? Daniel!?!! Have you got a secret boyfriend!?!?"

“Um, not exactly,” Dan mumbles, sneaking his head around to look at the still sleeping form of Phil. 

“Dan what have you done?” Tyler asks, his voice rising with concern. 

Dan recites the story to Tyler glossing over the reason why he ran away. He doesn’t know the whole story and Dan isn’t ready to reveal everything to him. 

“Daniel James Howell. You should know better than to go along with a stranger to their house.” 

“Really? That’s the first thing you have to comment on? I just told you that I ran away.”

“Well I know you had some problems at home, so I’ll assume that your drastic decision is justified. I'm sure it was justified. But Dan, can you even trust this Phil person?” Tyler has every right to sound worried and dubious, but Dan has this strong urge to defend Phil. 

“Tyler, calm down. I understand it's risky, but nothing bad has happened.” Although he sounded certain, he couldn’t help a trickle of doubt from invading his thoughts. 

“It’s only been one day! What if he turns out to be a serial killer?” 

Then he thought back to the way Phil held him close while he cried, the way he made him laugh and actually showed him some affection. Not to mention that he took Dan in when they were strangers to each other because Dan had happened to break down on Phil's doorstep. Who does that? “Seriously, Phil’s like the nicest person ever.”

“I just worry about you, Daniel.” Dan cringes at the use of his full name, especially because it is never used by his friends. That’s indication enough that Tyler’s genuinely concerned. 

He's about to dispute him, which would have resulted in a back and forth argument till Tyler ends up winning or getting more information out of him, but he stops himself because, at that moment, Phil walks into the kitchen. Dan stares at Phil as he rubs the sleep from his eyes. 

“Tyler, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, and uh, I need to go,” Dan hastily whispers and cuts the call before Tyler can continue mothering him. 

His attention is grabbed by Phil, who has ruffled bed-head and holy shit... glasses. Dan can't believe that someone can look this perfect having just woken up. While Dan's face feels greasy and his hobbit hair has undoubtedly made an appearance. Dan feels his face reddening, so he turns back to his phone, pretending to be engrossed in something. 

There's… several messages from Tyler. Of course. Did he mention that Tyler’s persistent? Well, this just proves his point. He decides to ignore them for now. He makes a mental note to text back Tyler that night, then he works on clearing his chat notifications. 

There are no messages from his parents. A part of him feels disappointed- he should probably have gotten used to that by now- the other part feels relieved. The only person who texts him from his family is his brother when he’s in the mood to annoy Dan or drunk texts sent from his dad and he doesn't think his self-esteem could survive either of those at the moment. 

He’s disrupted from falling into a tangent of self piteous thoughts by Phil saying, “How long have you been up? You should have woken me if you've been up long.”  
“Nah, it’s alright. I only just woke up.”

“Oh okay. Would you like some coffee or tea?” 

“Coffee would be nice.” 

Dan follows Phil around the kitchen like an awkward puppy. Phil opens a tin of instant coffee and scoops some into a cup with milk while the kettle boils

“So, you’re a coffee pleb,” Dan says jokingly.

“O highness, does instant coffee not please you?” Phil replies in the same tone, “You sound so much like the queen. It’s off-putting sometimes.”

“Oi, don’t make fun of my accent!” Dan says in an overdramatic tone, a hand coming to lay over his heart. It's justified alright he totally got insulted. 

“Actually on second thought, you sound like a mix between the queen and Winnie the pooh.”

Dan folds his arms and pouts. 

“Are you from the south, royal pooh?” 

Dan’s lips pucker more at the new nickname. He could take it as an insult but it just sounds so utterly stupid coming from Phil’s mouth that he gives up on pretending to be offended. Through his laughter, Dan manages to answer Phil’s question, “Yep, I’m from Wokingham, near Reading.”

"I don't think I've been. I’m from Rawtenstall, ”Phil says, “Is it a nice place?” Phil continues the conversation while fiddling with the coffee cups. 

Once he has stopped laughing, Dan shrugs, “Maybe. I never really liked it there.” 

“Oh, why?” Phil questions. 

"Why." Dan should have expected this enquiry before randomly complaining. The place itself isn’t bad, it is more due to the memories concerning the place. He sighs before answering the question, “It wasn’t a great place for me. The school was hell because of the bullies," some rational part of his brain tells him that he shouldn't unload all his family shit on Phil, who he has barely known, but he can't seem to be able to hold his tongue, "And home… it was even worse, but at least I had some good friends.” 

“I’m so sorry. That sounds bad,” Phil pauses, then, proceeds to hesitantly ask, “Is that why you… left?” It seems that Phil is beginning to understand bits and pieces of his situation. 

“I ran away,” he answers quietly, hoping that Phil may not have heard; not like it would make much difference. He fiddles with his hands, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Phil steps forward and engulfs him in a hug. Dan places his head on Phil’s shoulder and wraps his arms around Phil just as tightly as Phi has gripped him. Eventually, they break away from the lingering hug. Phil brushes away the tears that are forming in Dan’s eyes. It feels like an intimate gesture of affection which causes his gay ass to blush for the millionth time. Classic Dan - developing a crush on a person he has just met because they were slightly nice to him. 

The mood in the room has shifted along with his emotions. He doesn't quite know whether he feels lighter after sharing or worse because his anxiety has something brand new to fixate on. Neither of them is making any further attempts at emotionally draining conversations. Phil deflects the topic by suggesting, "Hey, why don't you freshen up? The coffee will be done by the time you get done." 

“Oh, yeah. I probably should,” he says, and before he forgets, he remembers to ask, “Um, where did you put my suitcases?”

“Oh, I just left them in the corner of the living room.” 

Dan retrieves his things from the suitcases. He takes his time freshening up. It feels odd to carry out such a normal routine in such an abnormal situation. Looking at himself in the mirror he supposes that he underestimated how unattractive he looks, especially with his bloodshot eyes and eye bags. It’s evidence that he’s a blubbering idiot who cried (at least) twice in front of a stranger. He sighs loudly and splashes water on his face trying to erase all proof of having cried last night… and this morning. 

He hopes in the shower and the hot water washes away his worries, unknots his shoulders. A lot of anxiety still lingers in his mind and he expects it to hang out for… well, forever. He stands there, letting the water run down his back until he feels bad for using up the hot water since Phil is probably still waiting his turn outside. He gets on with actually cleaning himself. He gets dressed in casual attire and tries to flatten his unruly curly hair. After carefully holding Phil’s clothes, he looks around for a place to put them. Since there’s nowhere else Dan hangs them over the radiator. Once he deems his appearance acceptable, he steps out of the bathroom. 

"Thanks for... " Dan trails off. 'Thanks for letting me use the shower' seems quite unsatisfactory for all the generosity Phil has shown him. He should be thanking him for everything. Fuck that. He should be doing more to actually repay him. A few words really aren't going to cut it. Instead of the usual guilt, he feels anger settle in. Anger at himself for being a pathetic piece of shit who ran away from home with no plan and no place to stay. 

He's been staring off into space for a while, chewing at his bottom lip. He turns back to sincerely thank him but he gets thrown off track when he meets Phil's intense gaze. Phil’s looking at his lips. His rage gets replaced by confusion. But just as quickly as Dan noticed, Phil l resumes whatever he was previously doing. 

Ignoring Dan’s unfinished sentence (or not having heard him, maybe) Phil calmly says, "Um, the coffee's ready." Dan accepts his mug and brings it to his lips. 

"Well then... I'll have a shower too. You can get comfortable. Turn on the tv if you want," Phil speaks a bit hurriedly. His whole demeanour screams awkward. Dan stares at Phil as he saunters off to the bathroom. He replays the fleeting moment in his mind, trying to make sense of it, but he gives up quickly cause it feels stupidly like hope. No. Obviously, it was nothing. His fantasies are running off again. 

As Phil leaves to have a shower, Dan is left standing alone in the kitchen. It feels weird to occupy space in Phil’s house without Phil. He can hear singing from the shower. Although the singing may not be top-notch (far from it), he can give Phil credit for trying. Is he trying to harmonise? Dan smiles to himself. The smile doesn’t last for long. Soon he’s sucked in by his thoughts. The thought that he's taking advantage of Phil’s generosity keeps nagging him. He should do something. At some point, he’s going to have to figure out how to fend for himself. He’s tired of being a burden to everyone. 

Isn’t that all he is? A burden. His parents didn't want him in the first place. His dad made it pretty clear that he was unwanted at every possible moment. 

A door being slammed loudly, a man carrying a half-empty glass bottle stood at the entrance of his room. The stench of alcohol immediately threatened to suffocate him. He froze, a deer caught in the headlights look on his face, knowing what was coming next. 

Even among his friends, he was a burden. Those who stuck around had to either save him from getting beaten or get beaten along with him. 

A crowd gathered around the fight - the one-sided conflict. They all watched; some with glee, some with sadness. But no one stepped forward to interfere. Once the crowd subsided, the boy finally rose from the floor and examined the newly forming bruises, wiping blood from his busted lip. 

He’s been in one serious relationship. After a while they stopped getting along, so he was expecting the breakup. Maybe he hadn’t anticipated properly just how much it could hurt when she said, “I can’t deal with you. You're too much and not enough and you strike me as a nancy anyways.” He winces at the memory. He hadn’t done anything to argue or stand up for himself because she was right. 

Everyone in his life has made it evident that he is a burden. Why would Phil feel any differently?


	4. Building Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Maybe things aren't too bad.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with chapter 4 :)))

Dan grabs the edge of the counter as his knees buckle. A wave of nausea engulfs him as all the memories resurface. His fingers, gripping for support, slip off easily and he falls to the floor. Tears splatter onto his jumper. He feels cornered, confined. Horrors of the past clogging up his mind. 

Instead of releasing his emotions by having a good cry, he immediately wipes away the few stray tears. He does not reside in his own place anymore. There is no time to wallow in misery. He knows the ritual he has to carry out to get back to his feet as if nothing has happened. After all, he has faced much worse than an anxiety attack. 

He clenches his hands, stopping the pathetic trembling. Somehow he stands up. He harshly wipes away any remaining wetness on his cheeks and examines his reflection in the refrigerator door. Fortunately, his appearance is not too dishevelled; although if anyone observes with a keen eye, they might see the slight redness in his eyes and the small pink patch that has risen on his cheek. To occupy himself until the time that Phil returns, he decides to wash Phil and his mugs. Upon seeing the rest of the unwashed dishes lying in the sink, his old habits take over; he starts to clean those as well. The sound of running water fills the silence. 

Dan doesn’t hear Phil’s approaching until he is standing right next to him. Phil’s hand is closed around his wrist, stopping him mid-movement. 

“Dan," Phil chides, "Dan you don’t have to do this. I mean I’m extremely thankful cos I’m pretty lazy when it comes to chores, but you don’t have to do it.” 

“Oh, no, it isn’t a problem. I just saw the plates, and thought I’d help you out.” 

“Well, then. Thank you. I had to get this done before my mum comes over anyways,” Phil says, “I can dry it and put it away?” 

Dan only hears the first bit of Phil’s sentence before zoning out to process what was said. So, Phil’s mum is coming over, and he only bothers to mention it now. Does Dan need to leave when that happens? If he was in Phil’s position he wouldn’t necessarily want him to meddle in his family stuff. Though if he was in Phil’s position, he wouldn’t even want his mum visiting him. Phil mentioned it so offhandedly, which tells Dan that he is comfortable with his family members, they probably have the kind of relationship that he can only wish for with his own parents. 

“Wait, um. Your mum is coming over?” 

“Yeah. She said she’ll be here tomorrow. Sorry, I'm only just telling you,” he apologies. 

“It’s alright, but like do you want me to go somewhere else while she is visiting?” Dan asks. 

“Nah, you can just do your stuff here. My mum would be glad to have someone else to share my embarrassing stories with,” Phil laughs as if it’s nothing, which it probably is for him. Phil seems like the type of person who has his life together and maintains good relationships with everyone; quite the opposite of Dan. “Unless that’d make you uncomfortable. And I feel like I've got to warn you that my mum can be quite nosy,” Phil adds, turning to him. 

Dan’s attention is still fixated on the plates, scrubbing them with a sponge. If he continues to do so, he risks wearing through the surface. It might not have to be a big thing. He could just keep to himself while she is around. 

“If it’s fine with you, then I think I’ll stay here and just try not to disturb you,” Dan says, offering a small smile. 

“Absolutely! No problem.” Phil affirms in a high voice. He clears his throat, asking the next question softly, “Are you alright, Dan?” 

“Yeah! Of course. Don’t worry.” 

His reassurance does not wipe the concern off Phil’s face. He seems genuinely concerned, without pity or disgust. He hates that, so he plasters on a smile, hoping it looks legitimate. Instead of looking convinced, Phil’s face falls even more. He doesn’t understand why. 

“You don’t have to pretend to be alright, you know,” Phil says with a frown on his face. The frown should have been angry, but Phil seems to be frowning due to something else. 

Dan's facade crumbles. 

He doesn’t usually allow himself to show vulnerability because it means he gets hurt. He doesn’t want to appear emotional because people have used it against him. He builds walls to protect himself. Over time they have become almost indestructible. 

Why is it so hard to do the same with Phil? He has only known him for a few hours. It shouldn’t be so easy for Phil to see right through him. It scares him. 

“You are allowed to have emotions.”

Dan remains silent. He looks up at Phil with a blank expression on his face. He wants to believe that Phil is only trying to help, but it’s hard when he’s been in similar situations. He trusted the other person only to get hurt.

Phil takes a tentative step towards him. Dan doesn’t let people get close. He doesn't want people walking on eggshells around him, but doesn't know what safety feels like. He keeps himself at a distance and makes it difficult for others to come close. Nevertheless, Phil isn't wary with the next step. 

“I’m here to listen if you want to tell me what’s wrong.” He seems persistent about getting to know Dan. 

The space between them has closed a little but not yet enough to make him anxious. It seems like Phil’s silently saying, 'I’m here.' Although Dan can’t quite bring himself to trust Phil yet, his presence provides him with some comfort. Last night his brain was muddled, and Phil was there for him. He didn’t take it as an opportunity to hurt him. A tentative bond of trust was forged between them, but it will take a little longer for it to strengthen. Dan believes he might come to completely trust Phil. The idea is terrifying. 

Dan shakes his head subtly. Not now. Hopefully, he is understood. Phil’s eyes soften a bit. They have a silent conversation, Dan eyes pleading. Fortunately, Phil yields, dropping the subject. 

“Alrighty, Danny boy make yourself comfortable. You can use the TV,” Phil says, “I’ll make something quick to eat before I decide to eat you out of starvation.”

“I promise I don’t taste that good,” Dan shoots back playfully, “I would have given you a helping hand with the cooking, but now I’m not so sure.” 

“Oh my god, that was really bad.” Dan simply smiles innocently in response. “I would have accepted your offer ya know, I’m sure you have a chocolatey taste.” 

“No, I’ll taste like bitter coffee,” Dan declares with unwavering confidence; however, upon saying it, Phil bursts out laughing. 

“Sure, sure,” Phil replies dismissively with a smile. Then, he starts pushing Dan from the room. “Alright now shoo, go into the living room.” Although Dan tries to remain rooted to the spot, Phil manages to shove him away. 

Dan childishly sticks his tongue out as Phil walks back towards the kitchen. Once Phil has left the room, he lies back against the sofa and melts into the sofa crease. Some of the anxiety that has taken up residence in his mind has faded. Phil must be a witch. 

He's glad the weight has lifted, if only a bit. He doesn’t want his anxiety building back up to eat him alive right now, so he needs a distraction. Phil told him to use the TV, which could be good, but it still feels rude to use it without Phil around. He checks his phone, scrolling through worthless posts to waste his time until Phil returns. Eventually, he does get tired of Tumblr, after refreshing the page and getting back to the same posts. Dan glares at the TV. It has a glare from the overhead light. Dan picks up the tv remote. 

On the homepage, he notices some anime series. So, Phil’s also an anime nerd. Good to know. He excitedly clicks on Free! because it's one of the top recommendations. He can’t hold back his glee at discovering Phil seems to have the same interests as him. Plus, watching anime seems like a good distraction and Phil said he could. Dan’s anxious to get started on the anime again because he has been left on a cliffhanger for too long. 

“Phil can we watch some episodes of Free! while we eat?” he yells in the direction of the kitchen. At least he has the decency to wait for Phil after all he probably wants to watch as well. He’s really hoping so. And that Phil’s free because now he’s completely set on this. 

“Waaitt! Yes, please! I’m coming!" Phil answers. "I really wanna watch it!”

“Great!” Dan exclaims. 

After a few more minutes, Phil walks into the room carrying two plates with a stack of pancakes each. He walks cautiously, the concentration clear from the way his tongue pokes out the side of his mouth. He places them on the coffee table, then retreats and comes back holding two coffee mugs. Just the sight of the food makes Dan salivate. Upon closer inspection, he sees that Phil has drawn a lopsided smiley face with maple syrup on the top.

“Those look delicious,” Dan remarks. 

“Go ham, Dan.” 

Immediately, Dan begins to dig into his plate. He lets out a moan as he relishes his first bite. This is truly orgasmic food. The maple syrup drips onto fingers, so he licks it off. He isn’t even exaggerating. Dan used to live on ready meals and takeaways since he couldn’t really depend on his parents to feed him. As a result, he managed to learn the basics of cooking though that doesn’t mean that he ever made anything that ever tasted good. 

He turns to Phil, who has his gaze fixated on Dan and gets caught by surprise when Dan speaks, “These are amazing, Phil. You're a genius.” 

A blush appears on Phil’s face. Phil must not be used to compliments… or something. Phil looks away before managing to regain his composure. 

“I’m glad you like it.” 

They share a smile, then continue eating in silence. Phil starts the episode of Free! The sound of Haru and Makoto’s voices fills the room. Dan only drags his attention from the screen when he goes for the next forkful pancake only to realise he’s digging into an empty plate. He feels disappointed that he did not savour them while being engrossed in watching. Dan takes a moment to look at Phil, who is also very immersed. Then, he does a double-take. The resemblance between Phil and Haru strikes him. Who would have thought he’d be able to live with an anime character? 

After several episodes, they finally agree they have to stop unless they want to finish it straight away, but where’s the fun in that? It seems that neither of them has much self-control. Dan helps Phil take the dishes and mugs back into the kitchen. Instead of washing up, Phil dumps them into the sink once again. Along with the extra dirty dishes in the sink, he notices the messy state of the rest of the kitchen which if he didn’t know better would say was the cause of some rat invasion that led to everything being spilt but alas it is probably none other than Phil. Instead of commenting verbally, he simply raises a disapproving eyebrow. 

Phil, having seen his reaction, at least has the decency to look sheepish. “Yeah, I’m a bit messy and not usually a great cook, so....” 

“No, no you’re a great cook if the pancakes were anything to go by, but I do think 'messy' is an understatement,” Dan says with a smirk. 

“Thanks?” Phil replies shyly, then mutters under his breath, “probably the greatest understatement of all time, I agree.” Dan lets out a laugh as Phil’s face morphs to distaste and an expression of repulsion upon actually taking in his mess of a kitchen. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t make you clean all this by yourself,” Dan says, adding, “The least I can do is make myself useful.” 

“I want to be a good host and refuse but I would greatly appreciate your help.” 

“Alright, then I’ll begin with the dishes and you can put the rest of the stuff away since you know where it all goes.” 

They work together easily, unconsciously humming the undertale tune under their breath - he can’t remember who even started singing in the first place. Dan does the washing up until he’s worked through the whole stack, which turns his fingers slightly pruney. The silence, by some miracle, doesn’t feel awkward. Usually, it takes him ages to become comfortable, but with Phil, it’s as if they’ve known each other for years.

While clearing up the mess on the kitchen countertop Phil blurts, “You know it’s quite weird how I feel so comfortable with you. Like it’s nice, and you share the same interests as me, plus, I’m a huge introvert, so I don’t usually make friends this easily.” This is spoken in quite a sincere tone which makes Dan nervous; although Phil just said positive things about him. 

“My point is that it’s nicer now that I have you here, I actually feel less lonely,” Phil says with a bright smile on his face. Dan’s brain short circuits at that point. Firstly, Phil’s smile with the tongue thing. Secondly, Phil had effectively obliterated his concerns unknowingly. Simply hearing Phil’s words wouldn't make his mind shut up with all the self-deprecating thoughts, but it makes him feel better knowing that at least Phil doesn’t think of him as a burden. Not that it’ll stay this way forever. People can change their minds. 

Yet he feels better enough that we can smile almost as brightly at Phil, both his dimples most definitely making an appearance.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Kudos are appreciated. I’d love to read the comments you guys write they really help me be motivated. 
> 
> And thanks to my amazing Beta ThoughtaThought who is a huge help in bringing this fic to life. (Check out his work as well)


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